The Bold and the Beautiful: Day One

Once upon a time, there was a great man named William J. Bell.  He worked with the Mother of Soaps, Irna Phillips, on shows such as As the World Turns and The Guiding Light.  Later he co-created Another World and was an early head writer on Days of our Lives, where he created the stories that would become the staple of every soap:  love triangles, questions about paternity, amnesiac characters coming back from the dead, rogues turned romantic heroes, and young heroines who relentlessly pursue love, romance, and acceptance, though not always in that order.   Prior to leaving his post at Days, Bell created The Young and the Restless, which would become the gold standard of soaps by the time it reached its fifteenth birthday.  As a counterpart to the social climbing and corporate intrigue of Genoa City, he created The Bold and the Beautiful, intended to be a glamorous behind-the-scenes look at the fashion world of Los Angeles.  The vast majority of daytime soaps are created to take place within fictional environs; why be constrained by the geography and culture of a real city when you can make one from scratch?  Your town can have rich folks, poor folks, exiled royalty, vampires, and everyone in between.  It can have the beach and the mountains; you can have brutal winters as well as summer heatwaves.  But instead of the constraint of the real City of Angels, B&B evolved to become an imaginary version of a city of millions, where the same two or three families marry within each other an endless number of times.  In the beginning, however, the show was actually quite pedestrian.  The primary focus was on the fashion house Forrester Creations, run successfully by Eric and Stephanie Forrester, alongside their two sons, Ridge and Thorne.  Their two daughters, Kristen and Felicia, would show up later.  Also on the scene were widowed publishing tycoon Bill Spencer and his daughter, Caroline.  Across town living much more humbly were Beth Logan and her passel of children:  Storm (Stephen, Jr.), Brooke, Donna, and Katie.  Beth was a college classmate of Eric and Stephanie, though this fact wouldn’t be revealed for several episodes.  Brooke had a long-term boyfriend named Dave who was a cop, while Storm was in law school and the younger two remained in high school.  Returning across town, Ridge was the typical spoiled playboy who wanted to have his cake and eat it too—he was dating Caroline and wanted to get more serious, but she had opted to save herself for marriage.

The episode opens backstage at a Forrester fashion show, where Ridge is unhappy with the designs his father is peddling this season.  He tells the long-suffering Thorne (second-best son in the family, now and forever) that the designs just aren’t sexy enough.  While observing Eric discuss something with his assistant, Margo Lynley (Lauren Koslow between Y&R and DAYS), he also speculates on whether or not they have ever been intimate.  It’s probably none of your business, Rigid.  Thorne figures Ridge is just angling to replace their father as president of Forrester Creations.  Ridge leaves to go call up Caroline, who tells him that they can meet that night, as her father won’t be home.  Scandalous!

On the dark side of town, Katie Logan is fretting over her acne and slipping into fantasies that her dream man will see only her and not her skin condition.  Brooke runs home after having escaped an attack by the Campus Rapist.  Not to make light of rape, but this is one of the few times Brooke will ever turn down a man’s advances.  Katie wants to help but Brooke kind of ignores her, as people are wont to do to Katie in her original incarnation.  Brooke’s boyfriend Dave arrives, having heard over dispatch of the incident.  She gives him a rundown of what happened:  two men in a blue van tried to abduct her, but she apparently fought them off and they gave up.  Dave tries to reassure her that the perpetrators will be caught, and that not all men are so malicious.  That’s it for the Logan family in this episode.  Fast forward twenty-plus years and they would take over the show, for better or worse.

Back at Forrester, the fashion show has completed and Ridge confronts his father over the designs.  Eric tells his arrogant son that he has no understanding in regard the psychology of the women who buy their clothes.  Ridge is informed that Bill Spencer is waiting for him in his office, and the conversation the two have is not pleasant:  Bill lets Ridge know that he wants the charming playboy to end the relationship with his daughter before she gets hurt.  Ridge scoffs and Bill leaves, cane in hand.  I have no idea what happened to Bill’s cane, or why he needed it in the first place.

The final scene of the episode finds Ridge at Bill Spencer’s palatial apartment.  He tells Caroline that her father annoys him like no man ever has.  They start kissing and she pushes him away, vowing that the man she marries is the only one who will ever get in her cookie jar.  So Ridge proposes and she accepts.  End of episode, but certainly not the end of the story.

It’s interesting to note, given the importance of both Stephanie and her portrayer, Susan Flannery, in the history of soapdom, that neither appears until episode two.  For me, she carried the show on her back the entire time she was on, and since her departure it has barely been worth watching.  At the beginning, though, there was no real indication of what was to come.  B&B was very humdrum and in need of some kind of shakeup.  Thankfully Bill Bell wasn’t one to rest on his laurels, and within a few years he had jettisoned every Logan save for Brooke, while creating the unsinkable Sally Spectra, played to the hilt by the late Darlene Conley, to rival the Forresters in the fashion business, if only in her head.  By the mid-nineties, Margo and the Spencers would disappear from the show, too.  While Spectra may have never been able to seriously challenge Forrester Creations, the introductions of her family and work crew (Macy, Saul, and Darla) as well as Clarke Garrison helped create the fashion wars and high drama for which B&B would come to be beloved around the world.  In 1990 he created one of the show’s most popular characters, Dr. Taylor Hayes, played by the beautiful Hunter Tylo.  That was definitely my favorite era of the show, when Ridge and Taylor were a couple and the storylines actually concerned fashion as well as family drama.  No American daytime drama has ever attained the same level of worldwide popularity, though that has slipped in recent years as the show continues to tread the same ground endlessly:  love triangles that never seem to conclude but roil endlessly in a pool of tepid drama.  Brad Bell has taken his father’s creation and both of their years of hard work and flushed it down the drain in a concerted effort to make it The Brooke Show.  Critics may be wowed by his ability to spin a yarn in this era of declining interest and slashed budgets, but for me The Old and the Pitiful is a more apt description these days.

For any fans who might be interested, the first sixteen episodes are available from Amazon.com as a MOD set.  The volume is rather flat, but I have had no problems with playback or picture quality.  I also own two import sets from Australia:  a best-of set that covers the years 1987-2007, as well as a Best of Weddings set that covers 1987 to 2009.  The latter is my favorite of the two, as classic soap weddings were always filled with romance and high drama.

All images are the copyright of Bell-Philip Dramatic Serial Corporation and CBS

 

Christmas in Bay City

It may seem hard to believe now, but in its heyday Another World was the crown jewel of NBC’s daytime lineup.  For decades viewers tuned in to watch the trials and tribulations of the Frames, Matthews, Hudsons, and of course the Corys—generations of viewers followed the story of Rachel Davis Cory, and the many romantic entanglements, marriages, and children that punctuated her life.  The daytime drama ran for thirty-five years and more than 8800 episodes, until NBC, in its infinite lack of wisdom, decided to pull the plug.

Picture it:  Bay City, December 25, 1991.  Frankie Frame is wrapping Christmas presents when her cousin Dean bounds downstairs, off to visit his girlfriend Jenna.  “Merry Christmas, Mary Frances,” she mutters while wrapping presents.  There isn’t much holiday spirit in the house, though—Frankie became estranged from her beau, Cass Winthrop, when his presumed dead wife, Kathleen, returned to town, only to leave again when she realized Cass had found someone better suited for him.  They became further estranged after the death of her Aunt Sharlene left a void in the lives of John Hudson and his young son, Gregory, and thus Frankie and John grew closer when she stepped in as a surrogate mother.  All hope is not lost, though.  Cass is moping at the office when his friend, Felicia, swoops in as only she can and conscripts him to play Santa for a group of orphans.  He tries to protest, but she reminds him that he has a Santa suit in his attic.  A-ha!  If he agrees to stand in as Santa—and of course he does, because Felicia is his best friend and he could never ignore such a noble cause—it means he will have to come face-to-face with his lady love.  It works out for the best, because everything should on Soap Opera Christmas.  They find the suit, she puts some blush on his cheeks to give him a rosier complexion, and he recruits her to be Santa’s helper in handing out children’s gifts.  Afterward they return home and reminisce, leading to some spontaneous decorating (for Dean’s sake, they try to convince themselves) and finally a Christmas kiss, no mistletoe required.

Meanwhile across town, the Cory house is filling up quickly.  Ada and Rachel are there, naturally, as well as Rachel’s children Jamie Frame and Amanda.  Amanda’s husband Sam Fowler and their daughter Alli are there, as well as Hannah, who works as an underling for Iris.  Paulina, recently separated from everyone’s favorite scoundrel Jake McKinnon, isn’t much for celebrating either, and spends much of the episode hiding in either her room or the study.  Rachel’s son, Matt, has gone to visit Lorna, with whom he works at the record label he cofounded with Dean.  He invites his new love to dinner, much to Rachel’s chagrin.  At the same time, Liz Matthews has called and Rachel invites her to dinner, too; this creates discomfort as she is bringing her niece, Olivia, with whom Sam had an affair while he wasn’t with Amanda.  Olivia is now pregnant, and claiming Sam is the daddy, while the truth of the matter is that Olivia is carrying the child of Dennis Wheeler, the son of Iris.  Of course Dennis shows up to spend Christmas with his mother; he and Olivia pretend to be mere acquaintances rather than former lovers.  Iris has brought Spencer Harrison as her date, while Rachel invited the DA Kevin Anderson, who had an indictment pending against Spencer.  Adding to the tension-filled atmosphere, Paulina attempts to contact Spencer’s son Grant, with whom she was briefly involved.  Spencer tells her to move on, because his son already has.  Dinner occurs off-screen, presumably because they would need a table the length of Brooklyn to seat everyone.  At some point, Vicky Hudson shows up and offers to be a surrogate for ex-husband Jamie and barren twin sister Marley (who is too upset to appear at the Cory home); these scenes attempt to play up the tension between Vicky and Paulina, who would both love and lose Jake more than once, but unless you were a regular viewer of the show, the scene falls a bit flat.  The Vicky-Jamie -Marley-Jake-Paulina pentagon is further complicated by the fact that—shh!—Paulina was hiding the fact that she had shot Jake, which left him comatose.  The list of suspects was both long and justified; Jake broke hearts everywhere he went.

Elsewhere Dean has arrived at the home of Lucas and Felicia, who are Jenna’s adopted parents.  Lucas isn’t really a member of the Dean Frame Fan Club, but he does want his daughter to be happy and thus lets Dean play a part in decorating the Christmas tree.  Afterward he takes her on a horse-drawn sleigh ride through the woods, where he has decorated a tree for just the two of them. The snow is falling, and the tree lights up.  It’s very romantic but I have no clue where he found an outlet in the forest.  Back at home, Lucas and Felicia share a candlelight dinner and toast to their love for each other.

At day’s end, various couples celebrate, and while Ada remarks that they might not be the Waltons, they did manage to pull off Christmas.  Rachel says that while her family may be imperfect, she wouldn’t trade it for anything.  Sadly, this marked Ada’s final appearance at Christmastime; Constance Ford was too ill to work after November 1992 and passed away in early 1993.  The character of Ada died that spring.  Throughout the episode, Christmas carols play in the background, including “Blue Christmas” by Elvis.  Obviously this episode is nearly twenty-five years old, but it harkens back to another time and place, when soaps had the budgets to create elaborate holiday celebrations and utilize music to tell a story.  I think we can all agree that, for whatever foibles may have crippled the show in its final years, our friends in Bay City are much-missed.  

Note:  All photos and captures and character background contained herein is the copyright of Proctor & Gamble Productions and the NBC network who originally aired the episode.

Soap Roundup: April Fool’s Week 2014

I’ve been too lazy to dig through my assortment of recorded episodes and do any sort of write up about them, so in lieu of that I’ve decided to speak as well as I can about what is currently on-air for the soap fan—provided they are willing to keep a very open mind.

General Hospital

I heaped praise upon GH weeks ago in this very blog, which was apparently the kiss of the death.  The show has recently gone off a cliff, devoting weeks and weeks to Sonny whining and moaning about AJ before the Quartermaine was unfortunately killed off the show, coinciding with Sean Kanan’s departure and defection back to The Brooke and The Boring.  AJ’s resurrection started out with much promise, but things turned pear-shaped when Tracey took over ELQ and ousted he, Duke, and Michael from the company.  All three characters suffered from a lack of story momentum, and I don’t think we’ve even seen Tracey visit the office since then.  AJ spent the next several months staggering around town drinking, being accused of Connie’s murder and vanishing for at least a month.  His nicely-developedromance with Liz was quashed without much thought.  AJ’s death was integrated into the show’s 51^st anniversary, an episode that featured a nice performance from Leslie Charleson while reminding us yet again that Monica’s family has been decimated; she has lost her husband and all three children, and the only other inhabitants of her home are Tracey and the increasingly-grotesque Luke (and he didn’t have far to go in that respect).  But the worst part of this all may be that Sonny has finally won:  after years of he, Carly, and Jason trying to sever AJ’s tie to his biological son, the die has been cast.  Quite frankly, Michael’s best moments over the past year and a half have been with AJ; when paired up with Napolean Mobster and Freaky KiKi, Chad Duell seems stuck in aspic.  C’est triste.  We have also had some uneven storytelling due to Robin’s departure, which was a major letdown.  I’m going to agree with another column I read—either recast her or “kill” her again, because having her play Super Doc to cure a bunch of sociopaths and murderers seems like a waste of a character who has been off and on the show since I was an infant.  This storyline has also resulted in much confusion over what to do with Patrick and Sabrina; the former performed AJ’s surgery, while the latter has all but vanished from the canvas.

Now for the good, however:  the reveal of Baby Ben’s true parentage at Nik and Britt’s engagement party was classic high-drama, trapping everyone on an island and creating a “bottle” scenario for truths to come to life and emotions to explode.  I hadn’t seen it so well done since Caroline revealed Parker’s paternity at his christening on “Days of our Lives” (and his paternity has been switched so many times that they’ll never know who the kid is).  Nik let Britt have it and tossed her from Spoon Island, but not before he ripped into Liz.  He later came by to apologize, so a point in his favor.  It will be interesting to see where Britt goes from here; she was already an outcast in Port Charles, but Nikolas loved her in spite of her shortcomings, both of them bonding over family psychoses.  Now she and Brad have reunited as friends—will they continue to be partners-in-crime or is redemption in the cards for these two?  Port Charles certainly has more than its fair share of villains running around these days, and you damned near need to wear a Kevlar vest any time you’re in the same room with Ava Jerome.  Still, I remain steadfast in my desire for some balance.  Have Michael bond with Monica now, and take his place in the Quartermaine mansion.  Bring Danny around, too.  Where is that kid, by the way?  He must have an on-call babysitter.

A final request:  give Bobbie a storyline.  Put her with Scotty if necessary.  I don’t care.  If Jacklyn Zeman is willing to do it, give her something to do.

The Bold and the Beautiful

Everyone is upset that Ridge and Katie, two single, divorced individuals, hooked up.  I guess it’s terribly sanctimonious in Forrester-land to have sex without infidelity or being a home wrecker (all eyes on you, Brooke).  But if you’ve watched this show for longer than five minutes, you know that Ridge and Brooke will eventually reconcile no matter who they have to hurt in the process.  But in other news, Oliver has been released from the basement and is having scenes with people other than nameless models.  Has anyone ever existed on a soap for so long without having a storyline?  I don’t mean wisecracking nurses and such, I mean someone who started out with genuine front-burner stories only to fade into the Daddy Yankee-induced background.  I feel sorry for Zack Conroy, though at least he still gets a paycheck.  He was such a dynamic young actor on Guiding Light, a show that was dying—a show that was dead!  It had a toe tag on it, and he was giving it his all.  But like so many before him, his vitality was zapped by Brad Bell’s loss of interest.  Even “The Young and the Restless” gave him screen time last year, in a somewhat-random crossover. What, there are no photographers in Genoa City?  Malcolm Winters, you are much missed.

So Eric has put Brooke back in the structure at Forrester Creations.  We all know that Brooke has done every position at FC—just every position—and now Eric is favoring her and Rick over Ridge.  Oh well.  I wonder if Thorsten Kaye and Jacob Young are bemused by working together in both Pine Valley and Los Angeles?  Rick accuses Ridge of throwing a hissy fit.  Well, he would be the expert.  Rick has to leave because he apparently can’t handle Aunt Katie and Brother/Step-Father Ridge kissing. Weird.

To Guiding Light land!  Oliver and Maya are talking about his being fired and Aly walks in.  Uh-oh, don’t be fooled by that smile, Ollie.  Girl is a psycho.  I’m still not sure how Aly is supposed to slot into the corporate structure.  To hear her talk, she is the COO or something, and Eric’s go-to in all personnel decisions.  Ollie asks Aly to go out with him.  Run, Ollie, run!  Back to Springfield if you can.  Aly declines because she has to feed her goldfish.  Oh, my God; they might as well have had her say she had to go home and wash her hair.  Then Ollie tells her the goldfish will be fine, and she relents.  I predict yet another addition to the long, long list of characters on this show with sexual hang-ups (Jake McLaine, James Warwick, Pamela Douglas, and even Hopeless Logan herself).

Eric is conspiring to reunite Ridge and Brooke.  Oh, my God, Eric, just marry her yourself and get it over with!  This matchmaking thing is creepy, and Stephanie would haunt you forever if your plan worked.  I’m fascinated by how Eric seems appalled by Ridge and Katie.  Didn’t he marry her other sister?  Gag.  Now Eric wants Ridge and Brooke to be the face of Forrester Creations, at least until Baby Rick and Anorexoline take over someday.  Still not sure why those two were paired up and married off.  Now Ridge is trying to get Eric to put him back in charge of FC.  Did I mention that I miss Stephanie?  This show is random without her to guide it.  Well, at least Thorsten Kaye and John McCook seem more age-appropriate as father and son.  Regardless of Massimo.  Also, it’s more than a little kinky that Eric is trying to blackmail Ridge with Brooke.  I wanna cringe, but I shouldn’t be surprised. 

Poor Carter and Maya.  Do these two have anything to do but sit around and stare into each other’s eyes?  Ollie and Aly arrive at the restaurant (aww, how cute—even their names rhyme!) and it looks like he wants some of that.  He might as well—this is the most story Oliver has had in years.  Oh, dear.  I am seeing shades of Kyle and Summer here.  Apparently Carter is friends with Ridge.  This is so odd.

Brooke and Katie.  “I hear you have a new position.”  Nah, Katie, Brooke has done them all.  LOL.  I wonder if they would ever actually let Katie win in a fight versus Brooke.  You can tell they’ve been pushing the Ridge/Katie pairing in the press, but I don’t know how long they’ll run with it.  “So am I supposed to be Taylor in this situation?”  Go, Katie!  Smack her head!  Bite her!  Okay, the catfight was in my imagination.  At least they’ve given Katie a backbone.

“You’re staring.”  Geez, Carter, what else does Maia have to do but stare at the other stories happening around her?  Ollie spills tea on Aly.  And then kisses her hand.  Very smooth.

“Ridge, it’s a PR nightmare.”  Seriously, Eric, how many times have you been caught with your pants down?  Ah, here we go:  Eric doesn’t want Brooke with Bill.  Is he afraid Dollar Bill will try to take over?  Ding ding ding!  Eric tells Ridge if he gets back in Brooke’s bed, he’ll give him the CEO job.  Jeez, how does a man compete with that?  Drama-free love versus sex on the desk?  I’d rather see Ridge and Taylor.  But that’s just me.  Eric really isn’t setting a good example of manhood and integrity for either of his sons.  Then again, I guess that is nothing new.

The good news is that Hunter Tylo will be reprising her role of Taylor beginning April 25^th and continuing through May.  I’m sure she will be used as a prop for other characters and storylines, but I will take what I can get at this point.  I doubt I’ll be tuning in again until she returns—aside from the New Ridge, the show remains cluttered by too many young hair models.

The Young and the Restless

Once the gold standard of the soap opera world, this show has fallen on hard times in the years following Bill Bell’s death.  I gave up watching as soon as Conor was fitted with Delia’s retinas/corneas/irises/bone marrow, having been disgusted by the senseless murder of a young child and legacy character.  I only returned long enough to see Billy and Adam depart, though Billy was un-recast days later.  The few snippets I’ve seen over the past two months have done nothing to inspire me.  Victoria and Stitch?  Yawn.  Dylan and Avery?  Tie them up in her apartment and turn on the gas.  At least we are in the midst of a Shick redux:  yes, readers, Nick and Sharon have found their way back into each other’s pants, if not hearts, in time for their twentieth anniversary.  I was watching in those long-ago days when Nick came home from Switzerland and Sharon had three different faces across one torrid Wisconsin summer.  I’ve been asked to write a Shick-themed blog at some point, and will do so.

My gentle thoughts on April 4, 2014, an episode with little to recommend it.

Those damned establishing shots.  This isn’t DALLAS—what’s with all the skyscrapers and houses before a scene can even begin?

Abby and Tyler are engaged. Honestly, who cares?  They’re like Ken and Barbie, only less lifelike.  I’m sure Melissa Ordway is a lovely person, but she doesn’t fit into this show.  At all.

Poor Stitch.  Sean Carrigan is the most interesting addition to this show during the Phelps regime, and he’s saddled to Dullan McStupid and Victoria.  Yawn.  Yawn.  Where’s my No-Doze?

An establishing shot of the police station? Well, at least Paul is onscreen.  Kevin and Chloe remarried?  Again, who is writing this show?  They were a dreadful couple from day one, and it’s little wonder she’s planning to depart the show.  Killing Delia and eliminating the Upstairs/Downstairs nature of Chloe’s relationships with Billy, Chance, and Ronan exterminated her story for good. Oh, God, here’s Victor coming along to threaten everyone into submission.  Hilarious that this show had the nerve to do an anti-bullying storyline with the Black Knight running around yelling at everyone in Genoa City.  The irony is thick in here.

Chelsea and Chloe at Crimson Lights.  Moving on. Quickly.  Remember when it was possible to write a soap heroine without mental illness creeping into the picture?  Chloe is looking rough.  How sad.  Now she and Chelsea are arguing about their fashion line.  “You think I’m psycho!”

Praise God for Peter Bergman.  Without question, he is the best actor left working in daytime.  I still can’t quite cope with the Billy recast.  It’s like Jack is talking to a stranger, even if David Tom did play that role years upon years ago.

Back to Vicky and Abby.  Blech.  At least the segments seem shorter and the commercial breaks longer.  Am I the only person who misses Tucker and Ashley?  Another couple gone over the dam, and another bridge burned.

Back to Dullan and Stitch.  Wouldn’t be funny if Stitch had a girlfriend named Lilo?  I guess Dullan wants to know if Stitch boned his half-sister.  Kinky.

I like that Billy is applying for a job at Jabot.  Abbotts should always work at Jabot.  Taking them out of the family company and having them run, um, restaurants, is just goofy.  Killing off Delia was such a huge error in judgment.  Even if soaps don’t survive another ten years, think about all of the potential stories we have lost—the kid developing a personality of her own, possibly being a pawn in the never-ending Chloe-Billy battle; the potential was endless for Cordelia Valentine Abbott.  And she was the grandchild of John and Jill Abbott!  It doesn’t get much better than that.  Meanwhile Jack hires Billy for Phyllis’ old job, and William says he will give it back when she comes back.  Yeah, let’s hope that never happens.  Pull the plug on Red, please.  And here comes Abby to ruin the Jack/Billy scene.  Great.  She informs Billy that Stitch and Vicky have been hanging out.  Smooth, you dumb cow.  Now your uncle/brother-in-law is upset again.  I never thought I would say this, but I miss Emme Rylan as Abby.  She was smart to head for a contract role at GH, though.  And now Jack tells Abby to hold her tongue around Billy.  Thank God—someone needed to muzzle her.  Now if it could just be done permanently.

Victor shouldn’t talk to Paul about dead sons.  Ever. 

Flashback to Victor and Chelsea.  Remember when he hated on her, after hiring her to break up Billy and Victoria’s marriage?  Now she’s the mother of his grandson, and Victor burns through kids like fire through dry wood, so I guess he kinda has to suck up to Chelsea.

Wait a minute, Jason Quartermaine and Stitch are playing basketball outdoors, in Wisconsin, in April?  I think it’s still snowing up there.  Lord, there’s Victoria running, too, and smiling at Stitch.  Ick.  Their flirting/conversation in the park is so hopelessly stilted.  Billy shows up in his business suit and dispatches with Doctor Feelgood.  Billy and Victoria talk about Stitch and their faltering marriage and I honestly can’t be bothered to care.  Because too much has happened, too many junk storylines, to care about Villy ever again.

Chelsea and Chloe continue to argue, and Kevin shows up to intervene.  I can’t believe Jason Morgan didn’t jump in.  Maybe he went to get ABC a new cupcake recipe.  Never mind, there’s Jason Q, standing at sentry.  Instead of standing around jawing, why don’t they get Chloe some therapy and anti-anxiety meds?  Dylan realizes he has better things to do and departs.  Monotone, monotone, monotone.  Kevin drags Chloe away. 

Apparently Victor is looking for Adam.  Remember when he did everything BUT run his son out of town?  Victor tells Chelsea a body was found, and that the dental records belong to Adam.  Of course, Adam previously faked his death with bone marrow.  Having his teeth pulled and dumped onto a corpse would be no challenge for him.  Chelsea is visibly upset to now be a widow.  Don’t go getting remarried, darlin’—that’s always the surest sign your beloved will come back.

“Being in the dark has its advantages.”  Truer words have seldom been spoken, Jack.

Wait a minute, Abby is talking about someone being a “home wrecker”?  Step aside, Gossip Girl.  Go paint your nails or something.

Back to Stitch and Dylan.  That was a quick run, Dr. Rayburn.  Continuity is not this show’s strong suit anymore.

Kevin and Chloe.  Zzzzzz.  I do feel sorry for Chloe, though.  Her storyline was forever terminated when her child was killed.  No matter what they do or don’t do in the future, things can never be the same now.

Mysterious guy in room, giving mysterious guy an envelope of money.  Adam, of course.  Unless it’s Skye come back from the volcano.

I definitely won’t be watching Monday.  Avery’s cooking show?  That gal from “Lost” screaming at Dylan?  That looks like a hot mess if I’ve ever seen one.  Sorry, Y&R, you’re gonna need some serious improvement in order to make me a regular viewer again.  Maybe a Shick wedding.  But weddings are always broken up by back-from-the-dead lovers or totally random revelations, so I won’t hold my breath.

I also watch “Days of our Lives”, and have since I was a young cowboy, but haven’t watched a full episode this week.  I’ll try to give it its own blog in due time.  And as we head closer to May Sweeps, I’m really hoping some or all of the soaps will give the viewers a reason to tune in, because those reasons are few and far between these days.